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Beatrix at Ten

Ten years ago, I was cradling her in my hands beneath the warming lamp (she was only 5 pounds) in the nursery while she, connected to cables and monitors, waited for the pediatric EKG machine to arrive from the Children’s Hospital next door. It had been a hard landing. Labor all night followed by a c-section and a too brief glimpse for mom to see what she had brought forth before being whisked here in a three minuite slow motion blur. She was tiny and beautiful but with a fragile heart that was in need of repair.

She was alert and awake and we locked eyes for what seemed the full six hours we were in there. She was not allowed to leave the nursery until her heart had been fully checked and next steps determined (which turned out to be heart surgery a year later). Her mother was stuck in recovery. The c-section surgery meant she could not enter the nursery because she was not sterile. So, it was just me and my little girl and the cables and the monitors and the gaze — of wonder and worry and hope — between us.

And here we are, ten years later, almost to the hour. Her heart is repaired but fragile in other ways. She is too big to cradle in my hands. Her gaze at me increasingly turns quickly into a pre-teen eye roll. “Oh, Dad…”

Yet, I often feel it is she who has taught me for the past decade more so than I have taught her. I’ve learned so much from her about being kind to strangers, being present to the world around me, and being a better parent. Her face still fills me with wonder and worry and hope every single day.

Happy 10th Birthday Beatrix! I could not dream of a better daughter, teacher, or friend. I look forward to a lifetime of further instruction.

Meeting Wynton Marsalis

I’ve been inspired by these recent posts to share a rather recent Wynton Marsalis story of my own.

My family has a long and deep connection to the Marsalis family. In fact, I had heard told since childhood that my Grandmother, Dr. Geneva Handy Southall, taught Wynton’s father, Ellis Marsalis, how to read music. That’s a picture of the two of them together in their later years above.

The story I was told was that my grandmother was the piano teacher in the New Orleans neighborhood both lived in at the time and she taught lessons out of her parents home. One day, Ellis showed up and explained that while he could play jazz and had been a seasoned club player at that point, he didn’t know how to read music. He played by ear. But, as his star was rising in the jazz music world he was increasingly getting gigs where he was expected to be able to know how to read. He asked if she could teach him and she did.

Fast forward to a few months ago. Wynton Marsalis was in town on tour with the Jazz at Lincoln Center Orchestra. Through the daughter of a friend I was able to get tickets for my daughter, wife, and I along with an invitation backstage to meet Wynton afterwards. It was a really great night and it gave me a chance to verify the story I’d heard about my grandmother and his father and the music lessons.

"Yeah, that sounds right! You know, he still doesn’t really like to read music." Wynton explained when I asked. "When we play together he hands the music to me and makes me play it for him. He still plays by ear."

I’d be satisfied if I could say that was the most memorable and humbling thing about that night, but it wasn’t.

Wynton kept looking at my little girl and engaging her in conversation. He asked her if she played an instrument and what kind of music she listened to. She told him she takes lessons in piano, violin, and guitar and answered his questions with the courtesy and grace she’s known for.

After a few minutes of exchange between them he turned to my wife and I and said, "I teach kids all the time. There’s something about her… Listen, get her listening to folk music. Not modern folk but the real old stuff. Americana. That’s where the roots are. That’s where the soul is."

Wynton then turned to Beatrix and said, "Keep playing and someday I’ll be paying money to come watch you!"

To "stay inspired no matter what" also means to keep inspiring others at every opportunity. He certainly filled us with inspiration that night.

Faces Like These

This is the face of two races.

This is the face of a promise kept.

This is the face of ancestry from a dozen places.

Yet, this is the face of a hope not yet met.

The dream is realized in these faces.

Yet there’s still work to do.

From the mountaintop we still seek distant places.

There are rivers uncrossed and valleys we’re not yet through.

Take a good look from her chin to her brow.

Those eyes, that smile, that skin is the future.

That is the fierce urgency of now.

That is the hope we must nurture.

When MLK wanted children of all races to walk hand in hand.

He had to have known where it would lead.

To a guarantee of true equality across a land.

Filled with faces like these.

Brief Review — Zojirushi Stainless Steel Travel Mug

There’s a snowstorm currently blowing through Minnesota. It’s been going since early today. The temperature when I woke up was 27 degrees but steadily dropped into single digits by the end of the day.

This morning, I stopped at my favorite local coffee shop and had my favorite barista fill up my Zojirushi Stainless Steel Travel Mug with the dark brew of the day. I jumped into my car, took a sip, closed the lid, and put it into my cup holder before heading off to a client. I left the mug in the car as the wind howled and blew the snow around outside. After the client, I drove back home but, once again, forgot the mug full of coffee in the cup holder where it remained the rest of the day as the snowstorm raged. I only remembered it upon hopping back in my snow drenched car to pick Beatrix up from school.

Once arriving home from school, I explained to Beatrix that I had left my coffee mug in the car all day and forgot about it. Given past experience I said, “I bet it’s still warm.”

All day. In the car. Single digit temps. Raging snowstorm. The outside steel of the mug was almost too cold to hold. Yet, the coffee was almost as hot as when it came out of the kettle. I’m decadently enjoying it as I type this.

If you like coffee (or tea, or cocoa or…), you need The Zojirushi Stainless Steel Travel Mug. Hot to the last drop.

Playing Games

We seemed to both receive a fair number of games as well as purchase a fair number for each other as gifts this Christmas. Therefore, through no real planning for this on any of our parts, it would seem that playing more games has become an unspoken family resolution for the coming year. Here’s a smattering of what we’ve played, or plan to soon, so far…

  • Exploding Kittens — We’ve had lots of fun playing this as a family. The object is to strategically stay in the game. Once you get an exploding kitten, and have no way to diffuse it, you’re out.

  • Sushi Go — We played this yesterday at a New Years Day party with some friends. They got it for Christmas and brought it with them to the party. it was a bit confusing at first but, once you understand the rules and play a round or two you realize it’s got a fascinating bit of strategy involved, is fast paced, and just a little bit crazy-making. That said, I liked it a lot and will likely be buying our own set in the future.

  • Forbidden Island — We’ve not played this yet but I got it for Bethany for Christmas (it was on her list) and it came with very rave reviews from someone who’s board game knowledge I trust. I’m told that part of what makes this one interesting is that players actually work collaboratively during game play towards a mutual objective, as opposed to competitively. I’m looking forward to breaking this one open as a family soon.

  • Cards Against Humanity — We actually never owned this and I myself have not played it (though my wife has). I got her the Cards Against Humanity Saves America package earlier in the month so I figured having the original was a must. Looking forward to my chance to finally play it.

  • Ravensburger Labyrinth— This is one Beatrix and I enjoyed playing at a game night my favorite local bookstore hosts. A good one for Beatrix’s age range. I plan on purchasing it for ourselves at some point in the near future.

  • Trash — This is a game played with a standard deck of cards that my daughter Beatrix taught me how to play and we’ve played it a few times since. She really loves it. It’s what she’s playing with her friend who’s visiting right now as a type this. It’s been a nice Daddy/Daughter pastime with her.

As someone who has not played board or card games regularly for years, it’s been a welcome and fun way to spend time as a family over the holiday break.

A Reading Plan

I’ve been doing some thinking about how I wish to approach and improve my reading plan for the year. I would like to see if I can increase the number of books I read in a year (which averages around 15) and broaden that which I read. I’m still ruminating and formulating but here are some ideas I have to make this happen so far…

  • Read more paperback books, specifically mass-market sized ones. The books you read are the books you can easily bring with you. And, especially in the winter months here, every coat I own has large enough pockets to easily slip one in.

  • Replace boredom with books. In the check out line, in the waiting room, while my daughter is in her classes. Assuming I’m good about having a book within easy reach per above, I’ll fill these sorts of times with reading one.

  • Bias towards fiction. If you look over my reading list of the past several years, you’ll notice I tend to bias towards non-fiction. The reason is that I’m a curious learner and reading non-fiction fuels that. That said, every time I do read a fiction book for escape and entertainment, I always feel like i should do so more often but then fall back into my habits. The truth is, I read fiction a lot faster and enjoy the escape when I allow it. Therefore, I’m going to intentionally bias towards it and see what happens.

  • Read more classics (including ones I’ve read and would like to read again). Not the least of the reason being that many of these are easily available in a smaller, mass-market size where recent paperback are less so (in general, these are trade-sized).

So, that’s what I’ve got for now. I’ll show up with more ideas when/if they come to me. If I could say nothing else of value at the end of this year, I’d like to say it was a good year for reading. I already feel like this will be that.

Declarations

Having had a late night last night, this morning had us getting a later start than hoped. The plan was to have brunch at a local restaurant to start off the new year. My wife Bethany and I were up and going well before Beatrix awoke.

Once she did wake up, she was expecting her normal morning routine but, this would have made us late for brunch. Therefore, we had to shorten her routine and hurry her along in getting dressed. Beatrix began to get a bit grumpy because of this, which in turn made a hangry Bethany begin to lose it. Thus, in order to stop the impending explosion of feelings, I made the following declaration:

“There will be no anger, grumpiness, frustration, or other bad feelings today. This is not how any of us wish to start the new year. This is not how any of us wish for those we love to start the new year. We have a nice day ahead and a nice day is exactly how we wish to start the new year. Therefore, we will figure out how to get beyond whatever stands in the way of that.”

We had a lovey brunch. We got a few things done at home then ventured off to tour our beautiful, recently restored, State Capitol Building (free guided tours daily). Next up we have a couple of more traditional New Years Day gatherings to attend filled with friends and neighbors. We have some bold plans and bright visions for the year ahead.

So far, my declaration is holding.

Should it be a success, I may begin tomorrow by announcing, “There will be no anger, grumpiness, frustration, or other bad feelings today. This is not how any of us wish to start the second day of new year…”

Once, We Were Explorers

Once, we were Explorers. We used a web browser called Navigator. Alta Vista, Lycos, and Yahoo! were the maps. With these we discovered new worlds and, sometimes, even more about the world we were in.

We called it surfing because the web was an ocean; vast and limitless as far as the eye could see from the shore of one’s sandy colored monitor. It was a bit scary, at first. You weren’t quite certain where it would take you. But, you knew just beyond the horizon was probably something you wanted to know about, all you had to do was get in the boat and set sail.

Just over the crest of the next wave might be something weird or wonderful or useful. We grabbed the rudder and steered straight for it. There, just down the footpath, might be the home of a friendly stranger with some good news or a rollicking tale. We quickened our pace.

Each new place we landed had paths to follow to more new places. Sometimes there was a map. Other times, a signpost. One could spend a whole day or several following the markers — links to the deep beyond. Ideas led to more ideas. The people you met along the way would often point you in the direction of other places you should go and others you should meet. You always stopped to ask; It’s how you found the good stuff.

Some of us became inspired and we decided to create little places of our own. We invited visitors to come and have a conversation. I’d throw out a topic or idea and we’d discuss it in the comments or via email. You didn’t have to worry about strangers coming in and picking a fight because you were lucky if more than twenty folks even knew you existed. Also, people respected that this was your place and, if they didn’t like it, they’d get back in the boat they sailed in on, go back, and start a place of their own.

I found fellow explorers on these travels. People with common interests. I think of people I met in those days. People I still know today. I consider them kin, those fellow wanderers. I discovered plenty of people I had no common cause with as well. It’s OK, we nodded acknowledgement as we passed. The world and this mighty ocean was big enough for all.

Now, too many no longer explore. They sit on the shore and wait for bottled messages to float right to their feet. They don’t question where the bottles come from, who wrote the messages, or why they always seem to tell them what they want to hear. They simply pick them up, read them, discard them, and believe they’ve travelled somewhere and learned something. They sit back down and wait for another bottle to arrive. They never go beyond the shallow water. Maximum depth to them is where you can still see the shore.

Not for me. I sail out and sail out and sail some more. Until there is nothing but water all around me. Because, I know that if I choose any direction, and cut a straight line, I’ll reach something different than here, something I wouldn’t have known even existed. Heck, perhaps I’ll get out there, drop sail, and let the current take me. But, anything is better than sitting on the shore only ever believing every message that floats my way. That’s not how we’re built. That’s not who we are.

We are Explorers. I choose to explore.

If you see something, do something.

I was at a local Five Guys having a cheeseburger. It was mid afternoon; therefore, off peak. I was alone at a four top. Two young women were having a pleasant conversation at the table just in front of me. We were the only ones there when I arrived.

About two bites into my burger, a rowdy group of teens came in — about ten of them. They got their food and proceeded to crowd around the table next to the women. They were generally creating a ruckus. Loud, boisterous, throwing french fries at each other, and generally being teens. They chowed down their food and exited rather quickly, certainly before either the women or I were finished. In their wake, they left a table full of half eaten food and garbage. It was like a tornado blew though and touched down just in that particular spot.

The women, clearly annoyed, finished their lunch. They got up to clear their table and dispose of their garbage at the can near the door. Then, without missing a beat, they causually turned their attention to the mess the teens had made and cleaned that up too. They left just as casually after,

They didn’t have to do that. It wasn’t their responsibility. Though it was a pain in the ass, the employees would have taken care of it. The women could have just minded their own mess.

But they didn’t. They saw a thing that needed doing and they did it. They did it because it was the nice thing to do. They stepped up to the responsibility caused by their less responsible neighbors. They didn’t ask for or seek thanks or recognition. They silently dealt with the problem and moved on with their day.

Not-my-jobism is a disease. These women, and the actions and compassion they showed that day, are the cure.

Brief Review — GreenMade InstaCrate Collapsible Crate

The GreenMade InstaCrate Collapsible Crate is one of the best purchases I’ve made in the past year. I picked up two at Costco and threw one in the back of each car. They’ve come in handy for all sorts of things.Those times you may need to carry a bunch of loose items or maybe you have a couple of grocery bags, a bottle of wine, and some beer — pop this up and throw them in here. They fold down flat when not in use so they take up little space so just keeping one where you need it is of no issue. We use ours several times a week.

This would likely make a great gift; one of those “why didn’t I have one of these sooner” sort of purchases. You can get them at Amazon but the identical ones I bought were $7.99 each at Costco when I got them. So, it may be worth look there if you happen to have one near.