Category: post

Bethany and I don’t need each other. The truth is, we were doing pretty well on our own before. When we met, she was in the process of getting a divorce. I had gone through a divorce several years earlier and had primary custody of my two sons. We both had houses. We both had lives. We were both relatively financially stable. We both were at tail ends of relationships. Neither of us were looking to get into a new one anytime soon.

The truth is that, even today, Bethany and I would be just fine on our own. But, we choose to be together. We make that choice because we know that even if we would be fine on our own we are at our best together.

Being together is a choice we make, daily. Every moment. Before every embrace. After every argument. In the smooth and the rough, we choose. We choose to work for it. We choose to fight for it. We choose to love.

We choose to be at our best. And that choice, means being together.

It’s the best choice I make every day.

Let’s say, for instance, you are a friend of Bethany’s. And, let’s just say, for example, you casually mention that you are looking to buy a new house. Like, as just part of an in-passing, what’s-going-on, sort of way.

What you don’t know is that you’ve just sent Bethany off on a house search for you. A few minutes here. A quick browse there. As she’s scrolling through people she follows or groups she’s in on Facebook, anytime she sees a house for sale she’s actively investigating if it’s the right house for you. We have more friends than we can count who have been helped by this. Either by leading them to a new home or leading to a place to land while a new home is being found.

Now, let’s say, for instance, you mention you are looking for a job. And, let’s just say, for example, you casually mention this to Bethany. Once again, without expectation. Just an aside.

What you don’t see is that Bethany’s head gears are now turning through a catalog of possibilities, openings, connections, and clients to see if there’s something that might be a good fit. Or even a good direction to turn or lead to follow. This happened as recently as a few days ago. A friend mentioned that she was looking for a change in career and it turned out that Bethany knew of an opening for that exact job.

Are you sick or going through a rough time? Bethany is thinking of how to bring you a meal or cheer you up. Are you having problems in your relationship? Bethany is trying to find a way in her (very little) free time how to take you out for a drink to vent. If you have any problem at all, Bethany is thinking of a solution.

Now, she doesn’t have all the answers. She is not a real estate agent. She’s not an employment counsellor. She’s not a therapist and, frankly, if you get a meal when you are sick I mostly likely cooked it. But, the point is that she does her damnedest to try to solve any problem that passes her way.

The thing is, she does this all on her own free time. She doesn’t have a lot of free time. By not a lot, I mean next to none. Yet, it doesn’t matter. She can’t help it. It’s who she is and one of the many reasons why I love her and the world, especially her world, is so lucky to have her.

This is a love letter. An open love letter. The beginning of what will be a series of open love letters this week to my wife, Bethany Gladhill. For no particular reason. The fact that it is coinciding with the same week containing Valentines Day is pure happenstance. A fortunate accident.

I’ve just been thinking lately about how I write a whole lot about my daughter. For good reason, she’s amazing. But, I haven’t written nearly as much about my wife, who is even way more amazing. More than most of the reason my daughter is amazing is because she’s so much like my wife. I still don’t believe I get to live a life in partnership with or service to either one of them.

That said, anyone who has spent time talking to me knows how frequently conversations with me turn into unabashed praise for everything Bethany Gladhill does. How hard she works. How much smarter she is than me. How much better read. How she far outpaces me in earnings. How passionate she is about the things she believes in. How hard she works for her clients and how committed she is to them. What a great mother she is and how much effort and thought she puts into giving her daughter every opportunity. What a wonderful partner she is in all that our lives entail.

And, in my defense, part of the trouble with writing about her is that she is so involved in so many things and so good at every single one of them it’s hard to know where to start. When discussing her work, do I talk about the few dozen non-profits she helps to manage and run, her historic preservation work some of which is pioneering on a national scale, her volunteer work with many organizations, or the many personal side projects that she invests heart and soul into? Do I talk about how much time and thought and effort she puts into doing favors for friends or connecting someone’s need with another’s offering? It’s hard because any one of those things is worth a post.

The truth is, I’m her biggest fan and champion. She’s my best friend and I’m humbled by her love. I hope my notes this week will settle any past failings on my part to let everyone know that.

I’ve been inspired by these recent posts to share a rather recent Wynton Marsalis story of my own.

My family has a long and deep connection to the Marsalis family. In fact, I had heard told since childhood that my Grandmother, Dr. Geneva Handy Southall, taught Wynton’s father, Ellis Marsalis, how to read music. That’s a picture of the two of them together in their later years above.

The story I was told was that my grandmother was the piano teacher in the New Orleans neighborhood both lived in at the time and she taught lessons out of her parents home. One day, Ellis showed up and explained that while he could play jazz and had been a seasoned club player at that point, he didn’t know how to read music. He played by ear. But, as his star was rising in the jazz music world he was increasingly getting gigs where he was expected to be able to know how to read. He asked if she could teach him and she did.

Fast forward to a few months ago. Wynton Marsalis was in town on tour with the Jazz at Lincoln Center Orchestra. Through the daughter of a friend I was able to get tickets for my daughter, wife, and I along with an invitation backstage to meet Wynton afterwards. It was a really great night and it gave me a chance to verify the story I’d heard about my grandmother and his father and the music lessons.

"Yeah, that sounds right! You know, he still doesn’t really like to read music." Wynton explained when I asked. "When we play together he hands the music to me and makes me play it for him. He still plays by ear."

I’d be satisfied if I could say that was the most memorable and humbling thing about that night, but it wasn’t.

Wynton kept looking at my little girl and engaging her in conversation. He asked her if she played an instrument and what kind of music she listened to. She told him she takes lessons in piano, violin, and guitar and answered his questions with the courtesy and grace she’s known for.

After a few minutes of exchange between them he turned to my wife and I and said, "I teach kids all the time. There’s something about her… Listen, get her listening to folk music. Not modern folk but the real old stuff. Americana. That’s where the roots are. That’s where the soul is."

Wynton then turned to Beatrix and said, "Keep playing and someday I’ll be paying money to come watch you!"

To "stay inspired no matter what" also means to keep inspiring others at every opportunity. He certainly filled us with inspiration that night.

There’s a snowstorm currently blowing through Minnesota. It’s been going since early today. The temperature when I woke up was 27 degrees but steadily dropped into single digits by the end of the day.

This morning, I stopped at my favorite local coffee shop and had my favorite barista fill up my Zojirushi Stainless Steel Travel Mug with the dark brew of the day. I jumped into my car, took a sip, closed the lid, and put it into my cup holder before heading off to a client. I left the mug in the car as the wind howled and blew the snow around outside. After the client, I drove back home but, once again, forgot the mug full of coffee in the cup holder where it remained the rest of the day as the snowstorm raged. I only remembered it upon hopping back in my snow drenched car to pick Beatrix up from school.

Once arriving home from school, I explained to Beatrix that I had left my coffee mug in the car all day and forgot about it. Given past experience I said, “I bet it’s still warm.”

All day. In the car. Single digit temps. Raging snowstorm. The outside steel of the mug was almost too cold to hold. Yet, the coffee was almost as hot as when it came out of the kettle. I’m decadently enjoying it as I type this.

If you like coffee (or tea, or cocoa or…), you need The Zojirushi Stainless Steel Travel Mug. Hot to the last drop.

We seemed to both receive a fair number of games as well as purchase a fair number for each other as gifts this Christmas. Therefore, through no real planning for this on any of our parts, it would seem that playing more games has become an unspoken family resolution for the coming year. Here’s a smattering of what we’ve played, or plan to soon, so far…

• Exploding Kittens — We’ve had lots of fun playing this as a family. The object is to strategically stay in the game. Once you get an exploding kitten, and have no way to diffuse it, you’re out.

• Sushi Go — We played this yesterday at a New Years Day party with some friends. They got it for Christmas and brought it with them to the party. it was a bit confusing at first but, once you understand the rules and play a round or two you realize it’s got a fascinating bit of strategy involved, is fast paced, and just a little bit crazy-making. That said, I liked it a lot and will likely be buying our own set in the future.

• Forbidden Island — We’ve not played this yet but I got it for Bethany for Christmas (it was on her list) and it came with very rave reviews from someone who’s board game knowledge I trust. I’m told that part of what makes this one interesting is that players actually work collaboratively during game play towards a mutual objective, as opposed to competitively. I’m looking forward to breaking this one open as a family soon.

• Cards Against Humanity — We actually never owned this and I myself have not played it (though my wife has). I got her the Cards Against Humanity Saves America package earlier in the month so I figured having the original was a must. Looking forward to my chance to finally play it.

• Ravensburger Labyrinth— This is one Beatrix and I enjoyed playing at a game night my favorite local bookstore hosts. A good one for Beatrix’s age range. I plan on purchasing it for ourselves at some point in the near future.

• Trash — This is a game played with a standard deck of cards that my daughter Beatrix taught me how to play and we’ve played it a few times since. She really loves it. It’s what she’s playing with her friend who’s visiting right now as a type this. It’s been a nice Daddy/Daughter pastime with her.

As someone who has not played board or card games regularly for years, it’s been a welcome and fun way to spend time as a family over the holiday break.

I’ve been doing some thinking about how I wish to approach and improve my reading plan for the year. I would like to see if I can increase the number of books I read in a year (which averages around 15) and broaden that which I read. I’m still ruminating and formulating but here are some ideas I have to make this happen so far…

• Read more paperback books, specifically mass-market sized ones. The books you read are the books you can easily bring with you. And, especially in the winter months here, every coat I own has large enough pockets to easily slip one in.

• Replace boredom with books. In the check out line, in the waiting room, while my daughter is in her classes. Assuming I’m good about having a book within easy reach per above, I’ll fill these sorts of times with reading one.

• Bias towards fiction. If you look over my reading list of the past several years, you’ll notice I tend to bias towards non-fiction. The reason is that I’m a curious learner and reading non-fiction fuels that. That said, every time I do read a fiction book for escape and entertainment, I always feel like i should do so more often but then fall back into my habits. The truth is, I read fiction a lot faster and enjoy the escape when I allow it. Therefore, I’m going to intentionally bias towards it and see what happens.

• Read more classics (including ones I’ve read and would like to read again). Not the least of the reason being that many of these are easily available in a smaller, mass-market size where recent paperback are less so (in general, these are trade-sized).

So, that’s what I’ve got for now. I’ll show up with more ideas when/if they come to me. If I could say nothing else of value at the end of this year, I’d like to say it was a good year for reading. I already feel like this will be that.

Having had a late night last night, this morning had us getting a later start than hoped. The plan was to have brunch at a local restaurant to start off the new year. My wife Bethany and I were up and going well before Beatrix awoke.

Once she did wake up, she was expecting her normal morning routine but, this would have made us late for brunch. Therefore, we had to shorten her routine and hurry her along in getting dressed. Beatrix began to get a bit grumpy because of this, which in turn made a hangry Bethany begin to lose it. Thus, in order to stop the impending explosion of feelings, I made the following declaration:

“There will be no anger, grumpiness, frustration, or other bad feelings today. This is not how any of us wish to start the new year. This is not how any of us wish for those we love to start the new year. We have a nice day ahead and a nice day is exactly how we wish to start the new year. Therefore, we will figure out how to get beyond whatever stands in the way of that.”

We had a lovey brunch. We got a few things done at home then ventured off to tour our beautiful, recently restored, State Capitol Building (free guided tours daily). Next up we have a couple of more traditional New Years Day gatherings to attend filled with friends and neighbors. We have some bold plans and bright visions for the year ahead.

So far, my declaration is holding.

Should it be a success, I may begin tomorrow by announcing, “There will be no anger, grumpiness, frustration, or other bad feelings today. This is not how any of us wish to start the second day of new year…”