Category: post

The older I get, the fewer fucks I’m willing to give.

The fucks I have to give are few, finite, and often fleeting. Therefore, I’m careful about those that I give.

There are only so many fucks one can give in a lifetime anyway.

I only want to give my fucks where they can make a difference.

I am strategic with the fucks I give.

I am intentional with the fucks I give.

Most things we encounter in life are not worth our fucks.

Most “news” is designed to trick us into giving our fucks to things that don’t deserve them or where they have no value.

Most “stuff” is designed to trick us into giving a fuck about things that have no true utility.

In fact, many things in our society are purpose build to trick us into giving a fuck where it matters least and serves us even less.

Just because someone tells me I should give a fuck does not mean I should give a fuck.

Just because you give a fuck does not mean I should give a fuck.

Our fucks are our fucks alone to give.

It’s OK for you to give a fuck about something that I don’t give a fuck about.

Where we give our fucks is our own business.

I judge no one based upon where they choose to give their fucks. Frankly, I don’t give a fuck.

Unless, you give a fuck about something that directly harms me. In which case, I will likely give a fuck.

In order to expect anyone to give a fuck about you, you must first give a fuck about yourself.

My giving a fuck about what you think of me is directly connected to how much of a fuck I give about you.

Most ideas we encounter are worth listening to but, then, quickly deciding if they are worth a fuck.

The really important things are worth at least two fucks.

Any time given to whether or not one should give a fuck about something is time well spent. Except, where not giving a fuck should be obvious.

Always appreciate when someone gives a fuck about you. Make sure to thank them for giving a fuck.

The next time you feel yourself getting outraged, stop to ask yourself if you should really, truly, give a fuck about it. You will find that most of the time the answer will be, “No. I don’t give a fuck.”

Our enjoyment of life increases with the less fucks we give.

Giving a fuck about things that are worth it are what make life meaningful.

I do give a fuck about offending people with this message through the profanity with which I’ve chosen to deliver it. But I give more of a fuck about calling it like I see it, telling it straight, and not fucking around.

I give more than a few fucks about the truth (as I see it).

Truth is the perspective you choose to give a fuck about.

And, I give a fuck about sharing this one with you.

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I’m a writer. Writing is how I make this world a better, friendlier, stronger place. If these words improved your day, please let me know by contributing here.

When I come up with a new idea or a new project, I find that simply writing it down amongst the daily scribbling in my journal is nice but no guarantee of it ever becoming anything more than that. Instead, I find that if it is something I’m really serious about, I need to take a small step towards making that idea real.

For instance, Twyla Tharp notes in her wonderful book, The Creative Habit, that every new project for her starts with a box. She notes:

Everyone has his or her own organizational system. Mine is a box, the kind you can buy at Office Depot for transferring files. I start every dance with a box. I write the project name on the box, and as the piece progresses I fill it up with every item that went into the making of the dance. This means notebooks, news clippings, CDs, videotapes of me working alone in my studio, videos of the dancers rehearsing, books and photographs and pieces of art that may have inspired me.

As you can see, it’s nothing big. It’s just some words on a box. But it is about everything that box now represents. It is a simple start, a promise to fill it, and a goal to finish the project. The box is a commitment.

It doesn’t have to be anything special — or even a box. Make a folder for your idea or write the project name and date at the top of a fresh notebook page. The point is to do something. To take the first step. To own it.

There is a science fiction story I have had brewing in my head now for over twenty years. It started as just a very simple idea. A “what if” question. A spark of something. For years and years I brushed it aside whenever it popped into view. I always had, what I felt, were valid excuses for writing it off. Here’s how the dialog would most often happen inside my head…

“I’m not a fiction writer.”

“I’m certainly not a science fiction writer.”

“But, it’s a really good idea.”

“Maybe, it would be good to give to one of my friends that are, accomplished, science fiction writers.”

I would act on this. I would tell it to my sci-fi writer friends in passing. They would kindly hear me out, but express no real interest in stealing it from me. “It’s a good idea.”, they would say. “You should write it.”

“But I don’t know how?”, I would resign.

And, so, back into the the bin it would go. Only to pop back up next week/month/year. But, each time a little bit closer — more fully formed each time it returned. Closer to a real story.

The excuses to avoid it, therefore, had to become even more deft…

“I can see the story but I have no idea who would tell it.”

“Where is the voice of the story coming from?”

“Without a voice, you can’t tell a story.”

I would shove it into the bin again — with force and prudence. Convinced that this idea was beyond my reach creatively. It was not my genre. I had no voice. I only had rough ideas and sketches and major details. But, I had not the talent nor skill to weave together into a coherent narrative.

But the idea keeps coming back. It haunts me. It now wakes me up in the middle of the night. It keeps me from being able to rest. Each time getting closer. Showing me a little bit more of itself.

“Write.”, it says.

A few weeks back it gave me it’s voice. I now know who is telling the story and why. And, last night, It came to me in a dream. The opening scene at least. It was lucid while I was barely so. I saw our protagonist. I knew his motivations. It was a start. It was not the whole story. But, it was enough for me to get the opening lines down first thing this morning.

Y’weh sits on the bench with his face in his hands. He’s tired. Lately, he sits here in much the same position before the work day begins. Exhausted before he has even started. His lab coat feeling like a burial shroud. He’s been at this job for a very long time. And, if he could find another — if he had a choice — he would. But, once you start The Process, you can’t stop the stars. You have to see them through.

It may take me another twenty years to finish. But, today, I finally exhausted all of my excuses — I started.

Over the ten-plus years of this blog, I have had many people comment on the look and feel of the site. They like my “logo” or the “clean and minimal look and feel”¹. They like the consistency of my “branding” across all of my sites². Or, any number of things along these same stylistic lines.
They think, that in order to be even moderately successful one needs this sort of “personal brand strategy” to be taken seriously. That, they can’t get started doing what it is they want to do without figuring such things out first.
The problem is that what they see as my personal brand is not, in fact, my personal brand. How my site or logo or business cards or the fact that they are all nicely matchy-matchy have nothing to do with my personal brand.
Because, I now know that worrying about “personal branding” and “social media strategy” and the rest of that silliness has ZERO to do with success. You know what that stuff is?
1) An excuse to cover up the fear of not getting started doing what you say you want to do by telling yourself you need all of that stuff to start or be successful.
2) Something for people who wish to capitalize on that fear to tell you need to get so they can sell it to you and make themselves successful.
Here are two examples of people far more successful than me who care nothing about their “personal brand”. Both of these people started in exactly the same place we all have and are huge successes with ZERO attention paid to what most people think is personal branding:

• Seth Godin — Seth doesn’t even host a blog on his own domain name. He uses TypePad for gosh sake! The only personal brand he has is this: He shows up, every day, with helpful advice about (mostly) marketing and life. He shows up with a desire and willingness to create things that help people be better at sales and marketing.
• Alan Weiss — Look at that website? It’s like an assault on your eyes! And, his Twitter handle isn’t even his name. It’s the damn car he drives. Yet, he makes millions in consulting fees every year and has written some of the most sought after, expensive, and hard to find (because they are always out of stock) books on the subject of consulting and life-balance. He shares his knowledge and tough love. He shows up with a desire and willingness to create things that help people be better and more successful consultants.

The desire and willingness to create things that genuinely help people is the only business plan and personal brand you need. With this, you can get started today. No fancy website or business cards needed.
Do you or do you not want to help people? If so, then do so. Don’t wait until you come up with a “personal brand”. Because, what you call my “personal brand” is not, in fact, my personal brand.
You know what my personal brand really is? I’ll give you a hint: It has nothing to do with my “simple, minimal, and unique branding”. It is the ONLY thing that has made me as moderately successful as I am…
The only personal brand I strive to develop is genuine kindness and a desire to help others.
That is my personal brand.
If you want to copy something, copy that. If you want to have any chance of being successful, start there. And, when you do, measure your success not in money, but in the number or people you genuinely and selflessly help.
You don’t need to pay me, hire me, have my consultation, ask my permission, or anyone else’s for that matter. You don’t even need a domain name for now if you don’t have one — Just ask Seth. In the words of Steve Jobs, “Design is not just what it looks like and feels like. Design is how it works.”
Are you willing to do the work? Do you, or do you not, want to help people?
You need to stop stalling, get out there, and have a willingness and desire to create something that helps people right now — Today.
I hope this helped. I really do.

I’ve been a bit busy and all over the place lately. Thought I would do a quick post to share few things I have been up to lately:

• Since my own long lived podcast came to an end, I have been missing having a place in that medium. Therefore, I’m always happy when someone asks me to be a guest on theirs. So, when Levi Weinhagen approached me to be a guest on his Pratfalls of Parenting podcast I jumped at the chance. I had hoped to talk a lot more about parenting but, instead, we discussed many of my thoughts about the intersections of humanity and technology and finding a balance there. It still turned out really well.

• Mike Dariano asked me to contribute to his Three Things To Read, Watch, and Use series at 27goodthings.com. I’m still trying to figure out how 9 adds up to 27. I’m bad at math. It doesn’t matter. You should still check out what I had to recommend anyway. It was a lot of fun to do.

• Oh, I also have started a new project about my obsession with analog writing tools (pens, paper, typewriters, etc.). As I was describing it to a friend, I said, “Think MinimalMac… But with pencils and paper…. Except the opposite of minimal. ” It’s called — The Cramped

The hardest part? Signing up. — GORUCK Challenge Event Overview

I’m signed up for another GORUCK Challenge event this year — June 20th in Minneapolis. This will be my second. My friend Rodney was interested in doing his first and, for motivation, I said I would be happy to be a part of his team. He was nice enough to let me use his buddy pass to get in for free. Last week, we went on a good training ruck together. I’m looking forward to doing it again. It will be fun. That is, if anyone can call this brand of self-punishment fun.
Now that I have one under my belt, have shadowed several others, and have gotten others to commit to the crazy, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about that quote above. If you see the videos, read the after action reports of past participants, or even have done a GORUCK event yourself, you know that the statement above is true. Once you commit and show up, to finish a Challenge is easy.
Easy? Sure. I mean, it will likely be one of the the hardest physical tests you will ever put yourself through. Your inner-individual will be broken down to the point where it can be rebuilt to be part of your team. You will wonder every minute or two why the heck you ever signed up in the first place. That is, until you are so exhausted that your thinking just turns off and the strength to feel any emotion is lost (this happens about an hour in). And, when the sun comes up after a long night and you think it is almost over, you know that hope is simply a tool to make it sting more when you realize you’re only about half-way to whatever you think “over” means.
But, when you do finish, it will be one of the best feelings you can imagine. You got to push yourself beyond every physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual limit you thought you had. You are now a new version of you. A better version. One that just did that. Something that most people would never in a million years sign up and pay for. But you did. And, once you did, the rest was easy because all you had to do to finish was one simple thing.
So, the next time someone asks me about why I’m crazy enough to do another one of these, I’ll tell them what I know now. Signing up is the hardest part, finishing is easy — just don’t fucking quit.
P.S. The real take-away is that this same philosophy applies to finishing anything one starts.

The following was written for my latest book, This Could Help. This should give you a sense of the sorts of things that are in the book. Also, this particular idea was a revelation and a huge success for me so, I hope it can help many others as well. Enjoy!

I have always had mixed success with keeping a journal. I could probably build a small shelter with all of the half finished notebooks that contain those fits and starts. It is also the case that I have tried many software solutions as well. Part of the problem, certainly, is that I have not been able to form the proper habit of, each day, writing the significant things down. But, counterintuitively, I have found that another big part of the problem is the amount of guilt I feel when I try for a few weeks and then fail. That guilt keeps me from giving it another go. I tell myself that, if I try again, I’m only going to fail so why bother trying at all.

Not to jinx it (knocks on wood furiously), but I have now managed to keep not only one, but TWO journals going simultaneously and without missing a day since December 16th, 2013. That is longer than I have kept any one journal continuously and daily in my whole life! (Does little happy touch down dance).

So, what made the difference for me? Well, a combination of things as I think back on it.

• I did it intentionally for long enough that eventually it became involuntary. In other words, habits take a while to forge but, once you forge them, then it becomes involuntary in the way that blinking and breathing are involuntary. It’s just that thing you do semiconsciously just the same as the many other things you do semiconsciously.

• I built the routine on top of other routines. Like I said, I keep two journals. The first one I use as sort of a daily log — tasks I completed, meetings I’ve had, things I’ve done, etc. So, for instance, I already had a routine when I completed a task — I marked it done on my task list. “Great.”, I thought, ”A good place to install a new routine”. So, I made a new step when I completed a task — I marked it done AND I wrote it down in my log. When I had that simple routine down I installed others one by one. When I have a meeting or appointment, I mark it down in the log before starting my car to drive away. I write down ideas right away before I lose them, etc. In other words, I broke down the big routine into a series of smaller routines which I then added bit by bit until I had a completely new routine.

• I realized that any routine, even unrelated, was appropriate to build on. For instance, my second journal is a Levenger 5 Year Journal. It gives you a few lines for each day over five years. I use this for recording my feelings at the end of my day. This was not a task or a meeting so I had to find another routine to build on. After a short thought session I found it — brushing my teeth. See, I brush my teeth every night before going to bed. Therefore, I built the new routine on that. Now, I write in my journal and then brush my teeth. Thus, writing in the journal became a subroutine of my existing pre-bed routine.

• I used tools that were a pleasure to use but also perfect for the purpose of the routine I wanted to install. I’ve mentioned it before but, for my Daily Log journal I use a Hobonichi Techo. Not only is it a beauty and joy to use, the perfect size for my small handwriting writing, but since it is designed as a planner it becomes an automatic “Seinfeld Calendar”. Don’t miss a day and break the chain! And, if for some very unusual reason I miss a day, I go back the next day and put something on that page — anything — to keep the routine going. In the log, there are some whirlwind days in the past few months I just did not take the time to log anything. So, the next day, I made sure to go back to the previous one and write down as much as I can remember.

• Per the above, I allow anything to “count”. There are, at least, 5 entires as I flipped back through the ones in my 5 Year Journal that are a single word. There is one that is just a doodle. Guess what? Yep, that counts. That is how I felt that day. I didn’t feel like writing more than that and the fact that I didn’t communicates that feeling too. There are no rules. Rules stifle routines. The only rule is to put something on that page.

But, as the title of this post suggests, this is about more than my (finally) keeping a daily journal (Two. Did I mention TWO???). I now know that many of these techniques would work with any routine/habit I wish to form. And, now that I have added these new routines to existing routines, I’m going to see what other routines I can add on top of these and what other existing routines are available for me to build on. For instance, my pre-bed routine would be the perfect place to add another subroutine — perhaps, ten minutes of meditation before I write in my journal and brush my teeth.

See what I mean?

The fact is, we all have existing routines. We all have a set of steps we do every morning, just before bed, or otherwise in our day. These are all opportunities to build in another step and form a new habit. So, if there is something you’ve wanted to do regularly for a long time but have yet to achieve it, this could help.

Another fun collection of things I’ve come across in my Internet travels…

• If you are a Field Notes fan, or even just a fan of the stories behind products (as I am), you are going to love these “behind the scenes” videos of every Field Notes seasonal release.

• A great post from Seth Godin regarding the things you should steal instead of inventing. More often than not, there’s no sense in inventing something that someone else has already done pretty well.

• Sara Benincasa reminds all artists that even if you have a day job, you are still a “real” artist. A must read for any artist — day job or not.

• That said, a “real” artist makes art. As my dear friend Randy Murray reminds us, “Make writing your default. It’s what you do. That’s when you’ll know that you’re a writer and how you’ll know—you’re a writer because writing is what you do.”

• I’ve recently had a renewed love and obsession with literary journals. The Fog Horn is an iOS based one that looks great.

• Petrolicious has quickly become one of those sites I check in on several times a week. In fact, what it really is is a love affair with the classic automobile that we readers have the pleasure of voyeuristically watching. It is beautifully designed all around but I’m really deep in it for [the videos]. The videos are great stories about cars and the people that love them. All are well produced, shot, and edited. I’m always up for seeing stories about people passionate about, well, anything. But especially craftsmanship and preservation.

• Nick Wynja reminds us that our tasks list should be about something greater than that tasks themselves. As he puts it, “The Work is important but what are you working towards? What’s the point of your work?”. I agree so much with this.

• I’m currently reading Choose Yourself by James Altucher and it’s fantastic so far. I’ll have a longer review forthcoming (actually, a whole series of related books and tools like it). But, don’t wait. Get and read this now. Seriously.

OK, That’s all for now. Happy trails.

Joshua Ginter shared his wonderful review of my Dash/Plus system with me earlier today. It’s great and you should check it out. He even covers the Dash/Plus app a bit too.

Yet, he ultimately decides it won’t work for the way he takes notes. Mainly because of a couple of things my original system doesn’t address. He states:

Much of the jargon scribbled across my books are semi-coherent thoughts which merely record my thinking at that point in time. They don’t necessarily need action or fit within a simple or defined list system.

And that’s true. The system as I first conceived it did not take such things into consideration. That was even a hole that affected me for a while. So, over a year ago, I added a couple of new metadata items to cover exactly that for me.

• Idea — I change the dash into a lightbulb.
• Diary/Thought — I change the dash into an asterisks.

I’ve been doing this for a long while and just never bothered to share this tweak with the rest of the world. The reason: It never really occurred to me that it might be useful to others. Crazy, I know.

The thing is that the Dash/Plus system is such a natural part of the way I work that I forget that other people use it as well. It is like breathing or blinking. Consciously, I know I do it and that others do it as well but I’m not really aware I’m doing it until I stop to think about the fact I am.

Here’s the other thing: I kind of expect that someone will take the basics of the Dash/Plus system and extend and change it in ways that work for them. Please do. I welcome it. Even better if you write about it and let me know what you’ve done so I can share it with others. I’m sorry I failed to do so myself until now.

I blew on you
And it gave you lift
And you rose
I had sent you flying
And you floated
And twisted
And rocked
Back and forth
Soon to be caught up
In another breeze
A current
A channel
From somewhere
Elsewhere
Perhaps from the winter
Turning violently into spring
Or a butterfly
The flapping of its distant wings
No matter now
For what I once held
Delicately in my hand
Is now beyond
My outstretched grasp
And I watch
As you gently leave
My breath had lifted you up
Let you go
And set you free.