Category: post

A little self promotion. My latest book, This Could Help, is now officially available on all platforms. It’s a collection of essays and asides, all of which could potentially help you in some way. Each one is purposely written to land hard and make an impact that matters.

It would make a great gift, especially for anyone in your life who could use helpful advice and encouragement. And, frankly, who couldn’t use that?

Here’s where to get it…

• Paperback
• Kindle
• ePub
• iBooks
• Nook

Of course, I would be honored if you checked out and considered buying any of my books. If you enjoy the work I do here, you will certainly enjoy those.

Thanks for everyone who has read my work in any format this year.

“Get away [garbled] … for what? Every time you see me, you want to mess with me. I’m tired of it. It stops today. Why would you…? Everyone standing here will tell you I didn’t do nothing. I did not sell nothing. Because every time you see me, you want to harass me. You want to stop me (garbled) Selling cigarettes. I’m minding my business, officer, I’m minding my business. Please just leave me alone. I told you the last time, please just leave me alone. Please please, don’t touch me. Do not touch me.” — A few of the last words of Eric Garner

I’ve been thinking about the phrase “I can’t breathe”. The actual last words of Eric Garner, who was choked to death by a NYPD officer — who so far has gotten away with the murder. This phrase has since been adopted by those protesting the persistent and unchecked police brutality so prevalent in our nation — especially against people of color. And, while I admire the feeling of helplessness the phrase evokes, a feeling that so many feel in the face of current circumstances, I can’t help but feel, personally, that there is something a bit defeatist about it. I try to put myself in Mr. Garner’s shoes and wonder if lying on the ground, struggling for life, saying that phrase over and over again is how I would want to be remembered.

It stops today.

Instead, it was something Eric Garner said before the choking. It was a statement of defiance. One spoken by a proud man who was tired. Tired of being stopped and harassed for little more reason than being Black in America. A tiredness experienced by far too many who suffer the same. If I were Eric Garner, I would want to be remembered for standing up and saying “It stops today. ” Not for being wrestled to the ground and choked out but for standing tall and proud and asserting my rights as a citizen and a human being. I would want that to be a rallying cry of protest. I would want that to become the song of freedom that brings long sought justice to those being oppressed.

Let us remember him this way. The way we remember Rosa Parks. Proud, tired, and stating with fierce dignity, “It stops today”.

As many know, I’m a light packer for most trips. I recently returned from a trip where I didn’t need to go as light as I usually do and therefore did not. What I found was that there were a few pieces that I brought with me and ended up not wearing. Not for any particular reason — just an extra sweater and an extra pair of pants that I just ended up not needing. It caused me to question whether I really needed either of these items at all.

Here’s the thing about packing light, it’s about more than being able to take only what you need in order to carry less and move fast. It’s not just about knowing what you really need (versus what you think you need) while on the road. It should also help you evaluate the truth of what you need most days at home too. Because, if you can live out of one bag for a week or more while on the road, with some minor additions there is little reason you could not live with the same amount all the time.

For instance, here’s a guy who travels with one backpack all over the world full time. There is no reason he can’t do the same if all of that were in one box and he lived in the same place.

I know some people have jobs that require them to have wardrobe or other items that are a bit more than others. I get that such an idea in not for everyone. I’m also not arguing everyone should live out of one bag. What I am saying is that there is likely little reason why many couldn’t do so. I’m also saying that if you have developed the skill of packing light when you travel, perhaps you could use that as a starting point to apply the same intentions when you are stationary.

If you like this post, you’ll also like my latest book — This Could Help. Buy it today in Paperback, ePub, or Kindle

My little girl, Beatrix, has many unique and endearing qualities. But, one of my favorites is this: With almost everyone she meets, she will notice and pick out one thing she likes and then tell them.
“I like your dress.”
“That’s a pretty necklace you’re wearing”
“You have a nice smile.”
“You are very handsome.”
We are currently on a trip that is partly research for a future book and part vacation. Because of the sorts and frequency of encounters we have with people we have not met or only deal with in passing, I’ve had the occation to notice how much she does this. And I am always giddy at seeing the delight of these people, completely disarmed by the perceptiveness and charm of a six year old. One who always finds something nice to say about everyone.
She does this on her own and without prompting from either of us. It is not something we have explicitly or implicitly taught her to do. Nor does she see us do it with such frequency. Especially not with complete strangers or during transactional interactions (i.e store clerks, wait staff, etc.) as she almost always does. It’s just who she is.
It has occurred to me how much better everything might be if we all found one thing with everyone we meet and said something nice about it or them. Even (or especially) those times it is most hard to find something. For instance, someone we disagree with or someone we don’t particularly like.
It also has occurred to me that, in order to practice this regularly one must be fully present in their encounters. You can’t pay partial attention to the checkout person while rustling for your credit cards. You have to be fully present with them to notice the nice earrings they are wearing or the spectacular color of their eyes. And, if you are more present with everyone you meet, you are also more present in that moment with yourself.
That said, I aim to take a lesson from my daughter and do so more often. Not just to make the world a bit better and someone else’s day a bit better but to at the same time make myself a bit better too.
If you like this post, you’ll also like my latest book — This Could Help. Buy it today in Paperback, ePub, or Kindle

I have a new book I’m releasing today. It’s called, This Could Help.

Here’s what the book looks like:

There’s an eBook version too, of course. If you buy that one, it won’t look like this one. But, the stuff inside is just as helpful.

Here’s a bit from the introduction to give you an idea of what’s inside:

I’m going to try to keep this short so you can dig right in and see if there is something inside these pages that could help you. Let’s face it, we can always use a little help. A helpful idea or suggestion is sometimes all we need to set us in a positive direction. Every one of the essays and ideas presented here are things that I’ve had to figure out myself in order to solve a problem at some point along the way. So, my guess is that if I needed help in these areas along the way that others could benefit from that too.
The following is a combination of essays and ideas written over the past year or so and they certainly have the potential to help. Either to solve a problem you are facing right now or provide guidance for navigating through one in the future. Many of these have been published in ious forms scattered amongst the places I frequent on the Internet. Some, have not. But all have been collected here in a way I feel serves those that need it most and the individual items best. I sincerely hope that you will find something within these pages that makes a difference.

It’s available right now in Paperback, ePub, and Kindle. More formats will be coming soon but that’s in the hands of the ious eBook stores.

That said, I highly recommend the Paperback version. It features the beautiful cover and layout work of the best designer you should be using, Aaron Mahnke of Wet Frog Studios. . To sweeten the deal, you can get 30% off through today by using the offer code, FLASH30.

Regardless, I appreciate your even considering a purchase. The best gift you could give any writer is an engagement with the words they write. So thank you for yours.

Now that you and I have agreed that the best place for the things you intend to do are on a calendar, I wanted to take some time to talk about what that means.

You see, when the things you hope to do are on some long wish list of things you hope to do, they are telling you a lie. They are telling you that you that every single thing on there is of equal importance. They are telling you that you have infinite capacity and infinite time. They are telling you everything needs to be there and should, at some point, warrant 100% of your attention. That it is completely possible and reasonable that you will do all of these things and have all the time in the world to do them.

The beauty of forcing the essential question of "When?" is that it also forces you (and the things) to face a hard and undeniable truth — time is finite. Each day has 24 hours. Six-to-Eight of those you are sleeping. You have many other obligations that will take away from the rest of your waking time — both on your calendar and not. My guess is that for a lot of us, at most and on the best days, we have about 2 hours to honestly dedicate to any of the things on our list. Most days, that is much, much, less.

Now that you are going to make those things part of your day, week, or month by taking a look at your calendar and deciding when you plan to do those things and scheduling those things at a time, you can see exactly how much time you have to work with. Suddenly, you go from having the lie of infinite capacity to the truth of having known constraints. With this knowledge, and only with this knowledge, you can focus on doing better things with that time.

Time is an instant prioritizer. Looking at a thing you need to do and asking "when" returns an answer that is a priority as much as a time. For instance, if some thing should be done "Now" then it is more important than anything else that might be done now. If some thing should be done today, and slotted into a free spot on your calendar to be done today, then it’s as important as anything else you will do today. It also follows that some thing that you put on the calendar to do tomorrow is less important than the things you need to do today or right now.

Now that you have recognized that the time and capacity you have for this long list of things is, in fact, limited you might also start to look at the things on that list and ask, "Is this worth my time doing?"

That is to say, if you know you only have a limited amount of time to work on the things you wish to do, don’t you want to make sure you are only doing the things you should be doing? Don’t you want to do better things? Things that really matter and make an impact? You have maybe a half-hour, hour, etc. Is that short amount of time going to be spent doing the best things you can?

I know I do. And, I know the first step to deciding the best thing I can do with the time I have is ensuring that the things on my list are all things that matter to me. Anything else I, literally, don’t have time for.

You have a thing you need to do. So you put the thing on a list. The list is where you put the things. What things? The things you need to do. This is a thing so it belongs there.

But this thing will stay there on the list — forever if you let it. To get removed from the “Things I Need To Do” list and get placed on the “Things I have Done” list, a crucial question needs to get answered. This thing will stay there indefinitely until you decide when this thing will get done. And, if you never decide when the thing will get done the thing will never get done. And, you will decide that when. You may not decide it until the moment you do the thing. But, in advance or not, in order to do the thing you must pick a when.

Everything — EVERY THING — happens within the boundaries of time. Even if you don’t decide the time up front, even if you don’t schedule the time, the thing gets done at a time or not at all. And, when it comes to things, capturing is not committing. Capturing is parking. Capturing is waiting. Capturing is wishing. Deciding the when — scheduling the time — is committing. Doing the thing, is completing.

So, the thing — the one on the list — is going to happen at a time. It is the only way it can happen. It is the only way anything happens.

Agreed? Good.

Let’s talk about time for a second. You remember time, right? That thing that EVERY THING happens in? That thing that you and I have relatively little of. The most precious non-renewable resource in the Universe? Yes, that time. Well, my guess is that, for really important things — things you intend to do — you schedule those things. You carve out a small bit of that most precious non-renewable resource and say, “Hey, I care about this thing so much I’m going to spend time on this.” And, my guess is, you do this on a calendar of some sort, right? The less busy of us might just remember a few items in our head but, I would argue, even in that case you are still keeping a calendar — a this thing happens at this time schedule — in your head. Right?

We calendar keepers, we happy many, we band of brothers and sisters, we’ve been rightfully told that, because time is the most precious non-renewable resource in the Universe, the calendar is sacred hallowed space. That you should only put things on there that you plan to do or that must be done at a particular time. Things like meetings and doctors appointments and conferences and birthdays and anniversaries and…

Now, here’s the part that will likely make many uncomfortable. I’m going to tell you you should put tasks there too. I’m going to argue that, for many things, you should decide the when up front. That you commit. That you give the things on your list a bit of this most precious non-renewable resource in the same place you give all those other things — because you already are. You are just not, maybe, planning ahead for them or scheduling them or putting them in a box marked Today or Tomorrow or Next Week. But every single one of those things, to get done, will happen at a particular time anyway — so, why not be honest and intentional about it?

Think of it like this: A wish list is a list of things we hope will happen one day. Let’s just say it is a list of things you want for Christmas. Well, guess what, you will get nothing on that list under that tree until Santa decides the time to go buy the thing, the time to wrap the thing, and the time to put it under the tree. And, that list comes with a pre-determined due-date of December 25th. Those things that are not under the tree remain on your wish list until and unless Santa decides this is the time for you to get that thing. Any list of things without time attached to it is, functionally, a wish list just like this until you make them important enough to actually deserve your time. Until you play Santa.

That list of things is a wish list, a someday-maybe list, but it is not a task list until you commit a time for those things getting done. Those are things you hope to do — not things you are going to do. Know how I know you are not “going” to do them? Going is an action verb. It means you are in the act of committing a forward movement. Anything staying motionless on a list is not forward movement. Putting a time on something to be done in the future, then moving towards that time, means going to do something. And you are not going to do any of those things unless you do.

I’m not saying you should do this with all of the things on your list of things. It’s useful to have a place for the things that you wish to do. Having a wish list of all the things is actually good. Doing so means you can look at all the things out in the open, take each one, and evaluate if that is something worth your precious time. Ask each thing the question of when. I’m saying you should do it with the things you want to move from a wish to something you actually mean to do. Decide when you are going to do them.

Start with the “Big Rocks” or “Today List” or “Next Actions” or whatever list system du jour your are praying to at the moment. Take those things, look at them, and commit to them — ask yourself the when. When today will you do these things? Are you serious? Then put it on the calendar, schedule, planner, — whatever. Even if it is just to carve out a couple of hours and call it, “A Time for Things”. Now, you have committed. Now, you are serious.

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I’m a writer. Writing is how I make this world better, friendlier, stronger place. If these words improved your day, please let me know by contributing here.

Those that have followed me for a while know I live in a large Victorian home. And, as one would expect, we have a fairly large basement as well. If I had to guess it is about 900 square feet. Being it is a basement there are a half dozen lights spread throughout. Just simple ceramic bases to screw a bare bulb into with a short ball chain to turn them off and on. For the whole time I’ve lived in the house, if one wanted to go to the far corner of the basement they would have to snake through the dark, knowing where these lights were located, find the little pull chain, and turn on each one needed. It was kind of dangerous and so, therefore, we generally left at least a couple on all the time. It was a bit of an energy waster but it was the only logical choice.

One of the things that has improved our daily life greatly in a subtle way this year was the installation of some simple and inexpensive motion detectors into those lights. They screw in between the light and the socket. There is a simple dial to set the sensitivity level and distance so it does not go off when, say, the cat runs in front of it but still does when we do. So now, we simply walk down the stairs to the basement and the lights automatically turn on in front of us a few feet ahead we approach. Then, they automatically turn off a few minutes after we leave.

I think of this every time I see some new “smart home” product. Especially one related to lights. Because here was the sort of problem that many so called smart devices promise to solve, yet I can solve it today for under $50 (I got my detectors on sale) and a few minutes time. I don’t have to buy some fancy wi-fi enabled bulbs — I can use any bulb I want. And, the fact is, I can’t currently think of a single area of my home where I would want or need a light I can control from my phone. Or a use case that can’t be solved with technology that has already been around for years. Like the one I just solved.

This is not to say that all such technology is bad. I bought a Nest when they came out and have been happy with it. It manages the energy in our home mindfully. I barely ever have to interact with it but can get detailed reports about our heating usage if I want. It makes setting and forgetting our home temperature easy. All things that were either not available or needlessly complicated on our old thermostat. It’s a perfect example of where “smart” technology has made things better and easier. Where there was no existing non-smart product on the market that could deliver the same solution just as well or with a minimum of technology.

I think there an increasingly prevailing notion that the internet, wifi, or some other new technology automatically makes everything better. That adding more technology means convenience or ease of use. It doesn’t. And, in many cases it means the exact opposite. It means one more point of failure or one more thing to manage or one more corporation to be beholden to. In many cases, sticking the internet into the middle of things makes them worse.

What I am saying most is that I don’t want my home, or anything for that matter to be too smart. I want to be more mindful and intentional about adopting technology in a smart way. Before bringing today’s technology in as a solution, I want to make sure it is not a problem more easily solved without it. And, I want companies that consider such technology to do the same.

I have recently become a big fan of Radio3. Radio3 is a linkblogging/sharing tool from Dave Winer that is designed to make it easy to share links to multiple places (So far, Twitter, Facebook, and WordPress) while at the same time creating an RSS feed and personal linkblog. I’ve long followed Dave’s work but I think the stuff he has been doing recently is really interesting. Fargo, a really good web based outliner that works with Dropbox to store your files, is another fine example of his work.

I thought I would write up a short post (spurred, in part, by a request from Dave Winer himself) to outline why I like Radio3 with a short wish list of what features I’d like to see in the future.

Why I Like It:

• It is a simple and seamless way to share links I find interesting from my browser to Twitter (I don’t use it for Facebook or WordPress) using the Radio3 bookmarklet.

• Through the linkblog functionality, it’s an easy way for those that wish to see just the links and commentary I’ve posted without having to wade through my whole Twitter stream.

• In a way, this creates a “backup” of those links and tweets. That said, I already had Pinboard doing that too. But, as they say, you can never have too many backups.

• It’s fun. Dave has invested a sense of whimsy and fun into the design. From the random sayings above the posting area to the font being used. There is a sense of casual fun while using it.

• It has a philosophy that is stated up front. I wish more software projects would do so.

Wishlist:

• I wish one could assign a custom domain to the link blog side of things so it felt more like “my place”. I thought what I wanted was the ability to self host it but, on further reflection, what I really want is for it to feel more like it is “my place” which could be accomplished by the above. The way I arrived at this conclusion was thinking about other services like Tumblr that I use, are not self hosted, but feel like “my place” all the same. I figured out the reason they feel like “my place” is primarily that I own the domain, control the look and feel to an extent, and minimal service branding. In a perfect world, I would have all of these with Radio3 but, if I were to focus on what I would want first, it’s the custom domain.

• I would love if the items I shared were also stored/backed up locally in an open format like the outlines in Fargo. That would go yet another step further in the feeling-of-ownership department.

Now, a note. I realize that Radio3 has a feed and can post to WordPress and that I could, therefore, set up my own domain, install WordPress, hook up Radio3, and basically create my own linkblog that is fed by Radio3. But that seems like a lot of needless duplication to me. To be honest, the above wish list is a “nice to have” not a “need to have” as I really like Radio3 just fine as it is and believe it is worth checking out.

My friend Michael and I had not a dinner together in a while. We had a regular dinner appointment on the second Tuesday of the month for years. But, then, life got in the way — mostly Michael’s. It changed rather dramatically a few months back. Not the least of which was being in a new relationship after years of not having been in one. So, I was willing to let our dinners take back seat. We’ve known each other for almost 20 years. He’d do the same for me.

So, it was great that we were finally able to get together recently over at a bistro near me. Dinner was great! Made especially good by the conversation. There was lot’s of catching up to do. We talked about life and love and creating the element of surprise in the seemingly mundane. We reminisced about the past and talked with excitement about future plans. Such things are what make a meal memorable.

But the memory of the evening that will stick out in my mind — the one that will last — came with desert. The waiter came over to ask if we wanted desert and describe our options. Among these was a type of pie neither Michael nor I had heard of before — Buttermilk Pie.

“What is that? I’ve never heard of it before.”, I asked. “What does it taste like?”

“It’s really hard to describe.”, explained the waiter. “But, I had a slice the other day and it is my new favorite pie. And, I’m not a big pie guy. If you order a slice. maybe you can weigh in.”

And, with that a gauntlet was thrown down — a challenge neither Michael nor I could refuse. The slices of pie were brought out and happily consumed. It was delicious. Yet, it was also immediately apparent why the waiter had such a hard time describing the taste. It was almost purposely elusive. The flavor was delicate. Not quite vanilla. Not sharp enough to even compare to a cheesecake. Nor was it creamy enough or sour enough or sweet enough to make an even comparison to anything else. It was almost cloud-like — etherial. Michael and I were both still at a loss when the waiter appeared again to take away our now empty plates.

“So, how’d you like it?”

“It was really good.”, I replied. Still unsure as to the answer to the obvious next question from the waiter.

“How would you describe it?”, he asked.

“It whispers tapioca.” Michael said with a sly smile after a considered pause. With those three words he completely nailed it. He managed to capture the entire experience of eating that slice of pie. He nailed the flavor, suggested the texture… All of it. The brilliance and exquisiteness of those three words left us speechless. Only nodding our heads in agreement and repeating them. It gave us all pause.

It is moments like this that I am reminded why I am a writer. I’m in love with and in awe of the power of language. The way a single word or just the right ones strung together can capture the whole of something otherwise only imagined. An entire experience can be encapsulated, examined, and then set free for others to bear witness to, all in an instant, with just three simple words.

This is why, as a writer, I keep a record of such reminders of this power. It’s a text file titled “Bits of Words and Wisdom”. Upon leaving the restaurant, adding “It whispers tapioca” to my file was my first priority. When I hear a cool word or interesting phrase that makes me stop and take notice — especially something that captures the imagination — I add it to this list. Sometimes, it is something from a conversation like the above. Increasingly, it is something I read — be it a book, a Tweet, or on a blog post. Sometimes it is from a video or something recorded. No matter the source it is added to this file soon after encountering it. Expedience is key, lest I forget it and lose it forever. Because these are the times to remember that words matter. Words mean things far beyond what you may find in a dictionary. Words are triggers and keys that blow open barriers and unlock doors to entire unknown universes.

The right ones are, at least.

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I’m a writer. Writing is how I make this world better, friendlier, stronger place. If these words improved your day, please let me know by contributing here.