Author: Patrick Rhone

About forty years ago, when I opened my first savings account, I remember the interest rate of return was 3% to 5%. So, for every dollar you put in and kept in, you’d get three to five cents back every month or so. But, if you maintained a balance over a certain amount, you got even more back. I forget what those numbers were, but let’s just guess it was around a grand. Therefore, there was not only incentive in saving in the first place but, the more you put in the more you got back.

But, you wouldn’t see that return unless your savings sat there for a bit. It had to be there for 30 to 60 days. It took a little time, no matter how much you put in, before you’d begin to see a payoff. After all, the bank is paying you a portion of the profit they were making from the money you put in. They need to make a profit before they can pay you a return. Plus, they need to trust you’re not just going to come in and make some quick money and leave, that you want to be a long time customer.

Relationships work much the same way. The more time and energy we put into them, the better the return on the investment. Like with a bank of old, invest a little bit and you’ll get something back. Invest even more, and you’ll see a little bit more back. But, you won’t see it right away. That return will not begin to pay off until you’ve let your time and energy sit for a while. Others need time to see the value of your effort. They need time to trust that you are not just doing it to get something out of them. That you are in it for the long term.

These days, the rate of return at banks is far lower. These days, a basic savings account provides almost zero incentive to keep your money there. If you’re looking to make money at a decent rate of return, to invest, it makes more sense to put your money elsewhere. The truth is that banks no longer see a basic savings account as an indication that someone wants to do long term business. Now, they also need you to have a credit card, a mortgage, and a couple of CDs. Then they might, might, give you a better deal. Sad, but true.

These days, the rate of return in interpersonal relationships is far lower too. Just a phone call or a letter is not enough. Now, we must follow on Twitter and Facebook, subscribe to the newsletter, read the blog, and exchange a few emails before many see us as serious and trust we don’t just want something from them and forget them as soon as we do. And, frankly, the time and attention we do put in these days is competing for notice among so many other things; the “timeline”, the “stream”, braking news, endless war, security theatre, and politics of the absurd.

So, the upshot of all of this is that we should not be surprised if we feel like we are having to put so much more energy into our relationships these days or that it is taking longer before we begin to see anything equally meaningful in return. It’s a sign of the times we live in.

But, just like our savings, it can still be worth it if we choose wisely, invest strategically, and go in with our expectations set accordingly.

There are about seven billion four hundred million people on Earth. Every one of those humans was born and every one of them will die. Every one has a heart that beats and needs air to breathe. That means that our hearts beat in rhythm with tens of of millions of others every second of every day. It means when we inhale, tens of millions of others are inhaling at that exact same time. When we sleep, there are tens of millions of others who are sleeping too. When we eat, we eat in harmony with tens of million others. Pretty much everything we do, the chances are good that there is at least one other person, somewhere on the planet, doing that exact same thing at the exact same time. The statistics alone bear this simple truth out; there is more that unites us than divides us.

It is these big things that unite us: Living, dying, beating, breathing, eating, sleeping. doing. Huge things. Life giving things. Life meaning things. The very things we have labeled “human”.

The differences are small in comparison.

I’ve always been hard on eyeglasses. Some of that is not my fault. For instance, if they get knocked off my face accidentally and skid lens first across the concrete. But, some of it is my fault. For instance, the way I’d just place them unprotected on my nightstand at bedtime and then get knocked off reaching for them in the morning. In general, almost every pair I’ve ever owned get scratched up within a few weeks of new.

I recently got a new pair of glasses. I determined that this time, I would take better care of them. So, I created the following little mantra:

When they’re not on your face, they should be in a case.

I have found, in my years, that little mantras provide a waypoint for the direction one wishes to travel. I have a few dozen that run through my mind and keep me on a better path.

I got a hard shell case for them that stays on my nightstand. I got a leash for them that I take when I know I’ll be engaging in higher activity. It seems simple but I already feel so much better about the future of this pair than I’ve felt about any before.

If you have a desire to be better about something, maybe creating a little mantra around it will help.